Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
