it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
