Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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