i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
