I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
