his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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