I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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