Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
