if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
