some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
