$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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