Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
