i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
