You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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