she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
