y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
