my shit smells like andre
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm too high and old for this...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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