Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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