I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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