I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
