Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
