I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
