so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
