I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
