Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
