Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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