You're completely useless in the revolution.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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