i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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