PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
