Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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