Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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