so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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