why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
