it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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