It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
