i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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