Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
