All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
