I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Actions speak louder than pants.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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