after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
