some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
