he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
