o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
