i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
