I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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