Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just cut my nipple shaving
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
