How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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