The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize