morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
