Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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