She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
