He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
