Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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